While checking out the soon-to-be-a-classic "Ask a Ninja Presents The Ninja Handbook: This Book Looks Forward to Killing You Soon,"** I discovered this important anti-zombie tome.
How have I survived this long without it?
"The Zombie Survival Guide is your key to survival against the hordes of undead who may be stalking you right now. Fully illustrated and exhaustively comprehensive, this book covers everything you need to know, including how to understand zombie physiology and behavior, the most effective defense tactics and weaponry, ways to outfit your home for a long siege, and how to survive and adapt in any territory or terrain."
Top 10 Lessons for Surviving a Zombie Attack
1. Organize before they rise!
2. They feel no fear, why should you?
3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
4. Blades don’t need reloading.
5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair. [Whoops - didn't realize my long hair was endangering my life!]
6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
7. Get out of the car, get onto the bike. [Well-equipped here, what a relief]
8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert!
9. No place is safe, only safer.
10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.
Buy a copy for yourself and your loved ones, NOW! Before it's too late . . .
**For the true of heart or the extremely lucky, this powerful and honorable manuscript contains such phenomenal ninja wisdom as:
•How to create and name your very own lethal ninja clan
•The proper weapon to use when fighting a vampire pumpkin
•Why clowns and robots are so dangerous on the Internet
•Easy-to-follow charts showing when to slice and when to stab
•How to execute such ultradeadly kicks as the Driving Miss Daisy
•Why pretty much every ninja movie ever made sucks
•How to make a shoggoth explode using well-placed foliage
•What the heck a shoggoth is and why you’ll need to make it explode
•Death Aide certification
•And much more ninjafied enlightenment on every shuriken-sharp page!**
3 comments:
world war Z is the follow up to the survival guide. it's written as if it were a government report about the zombie wars. and it is a GREAT eerie read. I thought reading the survival guide after world war Z was a good progression. as it makes the zombie survival guide totally applicable.
Ha!! I should have KNOWN you'd have knowledgable comments on zombie tomes.
I'm freaked out by zombies. Thanks for this list. Zombies are the one demerit to the beautiful "The Stupidest Angel."
The word verification is ymbsyrk. Sounds like yams going beserk.
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