I'm Baaaack!

Wow, blog. I’m back. Never thought it would happen, but here I am, back to chronicle . . . well, a whole lotta nuttin’, in the wider scheme of things. But it feels good to write. To sort out my thoughts and feelings in written form is really the only manageable way to organize it all. My brain has been very busy and jumbled of late. Kind of spinning its wheels and getting nowhere. But it’s time to sort it all out and make a neater sense of it all. I warn you, this blog might be jumbled as a part of that process.

I also have something interesting on the horizon. A big new - dare I say epic - challenge, and am very excited about it. Still sports, yes, but entirely different. I’m very stoked!

But first, where were we and what about this jumble?

I’ve talked about this before. The way triathlon, or rather my pursuit of excellence in the sport despite injury after injury, has insidiously become too big part of how I define myself. When I have a great race or workout, I feel great about myself and life in general. When I have a bad one, well, you get the idea. So silly. Well, I’m mad as hell about that, and I’m not gonna take it anymore! To paraphrase Tyler Durden, I am NOT my fucking multisports!

The 2009 triathlon season, I often thought at the time, would be my last. I have many, many interests and most of them were/are falling through the cracks. I was SICK of training, SICK of the schedule ruling my life, SICK of worrying about how my body felt everyday as I struggled with injury, SICK of the anxiety filling the nights before races, and perhaps as much as any of it, SICK of feeling those nerves until the gun went off race morning. Problem was, I LOVED racing, and was totally hooked on the rush of pushing myself and crossing the finish line feeling like I had really achieved something. Ideally and at most events, an age group podium spot.

Also, you tend to become the creature that is how you spend your time. They say triathlon is not a sport, it’s a lifestyle - and that is really true. I can’t imagine a me that doesn’t swim/bike/run. My training schedule is the scaffolding over and around which I build my days. I love doing all 3 of those activities and how much it gets me out of doors and into the natural world. And hey - if I’m doing those three things, what for if I’m not racing? And vice versa? It’s a conundrum. Or so my brain tells me.

My feelings during the past season aside, I trained through the winter as always. But I added several hours of cross-country skiing, which I was growing to love more and more. I did a couple of XC ski races, which were more exhausting than even the 1/2 Ironman events I had done. I kept training, and training, until next thing I knew, it was already February and I hadn’t formed a triathlon season. There was no question that I would. But while in the past I would already have been registered for 50% of my races, I was now having a hard time mustering enthusiasm and figuring out which 2010 multisport events made me go “Oooooo.”

I wanted something epic. A new love. Something BIG I could get enthused and obsessed over. No NOT Ironman. Thinking about that distance doesn’t get my juices going anymore, as IF my body could even consider it. Not another Half Ironman, ditto the above. But something . . . something WOW like the Leadville 100. But I don’t own nor have I ever ridden a mountain bike, NOT that, either. Plus, too expensive. So what then??

I was coming up empty, and expressed this to my wonderful coach, Jennifer Harrison. She responded with a question to hold in mind: If this was the last year I was going to do triathlon, what would I want to accomplish? . . . crickets . . . crickets . . . more crickets. I got buppkiss. Hmm. This was just weird and not like me at all.

I went almost this entire multisport season not knowing the answer to the “Oooooo” question. (I did figure it out tho and will let you in on the answer soon.) I have done 3 triathlons, 1 duathlon, 1 running race and 4 cycling time trials so far. While lighter all around than the past years, it has a been highly successful season for me. I raced harder than ever, scored some rewarding podiums and learned a lot about pushing myself and what I’m capable of when I set my mind to it. Very good stuff, though it has ended - or hopefully only stalled - somewhat abruptly due to inflamed calf muscles.

So here it is. Strangely, though I registered for it a few months ago, I only just realized today while reading Fat Cyclist's Leadville 100 Race Report that I indeed found that epic event I was searching for back this spring: the American Birkebeiner 54K classic ski race. I skied those two 25k events last year, and that was fun. I’m now on to a new frontier, skiing more than twice that far along with thousands of ski buddies.

I’m still very jumbled, and still fighting my worst enemy - my limiting brain. Yes, before you spout off about it, I do know that switching my main focus away from triathlon and to Birkie training is not a solution to that. But it feels like I'm streamlining things a bit and have a reprieve. For once I know what I want - at least for the short term - and am set on getting it. And now I have something I feel like blogging about. Let the Birkie training commence!